Recommended
This book goes a long way to reassuring those whose grief process doesn't match the "stages" paradigm. Ruth Davis Konigsberg reminds us of how informal Kubler-Ross's process for developing these stages was, and that it was based on anecdotal tales from those confronting their own mortality. Given the breeding ground of the self help mania of the 70's, Americans have taken those stages and forced them on a myriad of life events far from the original intent.
For me, as a recent widow, it was a relief to read that my grief process was more in line with others experiencing the same loss. The fact that I didn't feel the need to do "grief work" in a formal sense was quite normal, not denial or depression.
The author has cited a number of studies, primarily covering those who have lost spouses, which indicate that grieving the loss of a spouse has its own rhythms for each person. She did distinguish a syndrome call Prolonged Grief Disorder and how it is different than "normal" grieving.
I recommend this to anyone who has been pressured to do grief counseling or journaling or other processes to get through their grief, when these steps don't feel right to them. More needs to be done to reduce societal pressures on the bereaved to behave in ways not natural to them in order to be thought to be healthy or to avoid being though cold, unfeeling, or disloyal to a spouse.
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